Agile is on everyone's lips in business - agile, nimble, flexible action! Don't plan too long-term and in detail and be overtaken by reality, but act in a changing context with situational precision! Wouldn't it be brilliant if we could also be agile in our communication? Situational and always in the right tone with changing communication partners?

The 'how' of communication

We have much more potential for agile communication than we often realize. What do I need and what helps me to use these resources to establish good contact with a wide variety of people in changing situations?

When we want to start a good dialog, our first reflex is often to "communicate the way you would like to be addressed" - also known as the "golden rule". It is appreciative, sounds simple and yet falls short. We humans are characterized by a high degree of diversity and a wide variety of needs, and our communication reflects these differences in our personality. The key is to recognize, understand and use the signals. If you want to reach the other person well, you should apply the platinum rule: "Communicate the way the other person wants to be addressed."

It's not about chumming up or 'talking at the mouth' - it's about the 'how' of communication.

Do you know this? "I can say what I want, but the mood changes. The chemistry between us just isn't right!", "I feel comfortable in these conversations.", "The customer was immediately on 180! One word led to another.", "It was easy - the connection was there." or "The content is ok, but I'm sure it could be shorter."

Whether an exchange succeeds or fails usually doesn't depend on the content, the WHAT, it's mostly about the contact with the other person - the HOW of communication. And this is where our personality comes into play, our own strengths, communication preferences, stress patterns and needs. We show all of this in our communication - every second.

Responding to personalities

A personality that prefers to act 'from the head' also expresses this in the formulations used. Terms of thought and opinion are used more frequently, facts are communicated and asked about. 'Feeling people' use a much more emotional choice of words, feel a lot, care. Those who trust their gut feeling show this through a much more emotional choice of words, bring lightness to conversations and wear their own mood on their face. If inactivity is a 'no-go', then we at least roll up our sleeves internally and put our 'let's go' attitude into words.

It is good for us if we are repeatedly addressed in the 'language' that we prefer to use ourselves; this also boosts our motivation and commitment and reduces stress reactions. And the choice of words, tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures and posture play an important role here. If we are constantly addressed in a different 'language', this drains energy and triggers psychological stress (distress). This can be recognized by slight changes in speech and behaviour patterns, and - if it continues - by type-specific stress patterns.

Since the 1970s, the American psychologist and transactional analyst Dr. Taibi Kahler, together with NASA and others, has researched how individual differences in the way we communicate manifest themselves; he has not only discovered and described the inner drivers ('be strong', 'be perfect', 'do it right', 'try hard', ...), but also the connections between personality architecture, psychological needs and the predictability of stress behavior - the Process Communication Model. NASA has used these findings to put together its teams for manned space flight, among other things.

Good communication starts with more 'how' than 'what'

Those who communicate in an agile way also pay attention to the 'how', the way in which content is communicated. If we understand the verbal and non-verbal signals and utilize our communication potential, we can always respond to the preferred language and motivation of our counterpart in our communication in a situational and agile manner and thus create a stress-free, collaborative atmosphere.

Platinum is the key to successful communication:

The platinum rule is not only the 'new gold', P-L-A-T-I-N also contains the 6 keys of agile communication (source: P-L-A-T-I-N of agile communication, key!4c, 2021):

• Presence: be in the situation with head, heart, hand instead of digressing. Consciously switch off your mental movie theater, which is annoyed about yesterday and fears tomorrow.
• Lists: Listen actively, pay attention not to the 'what' but always to the 'how' of communication and to verbal and non-verbal signals. 'Read' the personality of your counterpart through wording, tone of voice, facial expressions, gestures and posture.
• Adapt: Use your communication potential outside of your own preferences. Communicate in a way that is appropriate to the situation and suitable for the other person - humorous, caring and emotional, fact-oriented and logical, with a clear attitude/value-oriented, thoughtful/developing or challenging/action-oriented.
• Try: Just do it without being afraid of being wrong. The reaction of your counterpart will show you from second to second whether you are right.
• Iterate: Optimize your communication with your counterpart from second to second with every observation.
• Nurture: Pay attention to your own energy and personal well-being. Only those who take good care of themselves and recharge their batteries can react flexibly and respond to the other person with agility.

Dr. Uta Nachbaur

© key!4c

The author

Dr. Uta Nachbaur, PCC, CPCC, CPQC, is certified as a Professional Certified Coach by the International Coaching Federation and works as a chapter host for the ICF in Stuttgart. As a coach and trainer, she works internationally with executives and managers across industries on communication, leadership, performance and mental fitness. She is a partner at key!4c and certified as a coach for Co-active and Positive Intelligence and as a trainer and coach for the Process Communication Model.