Everyone appreciates authenticity. We have also known for many years that the authenticity of a manager is one of the most important factors in maintaining employee motivation. What is interesting about the question of authenticity, however, is the difference between how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us. We see ourselves as authentic most of the time. Only others are usually not authentic. We rarely pretend to be authentic for a conscious reason. Nevertheless, authenticity seems to be something that we often miss in others. We use our fine sensors to sense when our counterpart is only pretending to be confident, competent, etc. We emphasize it as something precious when someone is truthful.

The ego structure

This phenomenon is due to our unconsciousness about our ego and everything that would be possible without it. The ego is a structure of definitions and patterns that we have unconsciously acquired over the years, especially during our strongly formative childhood. Everyone has an ego structure, also known as a personality structure. Just like everyone else, we are therefore generally authentic to our perception patterns, orientation patterns, communication patterns, favorite emotional attitudes and ego needs, none of which originate from the core of our being or the current situation. For example, it feels very authentic to us when we get angry with a colleague and draw our conclusions. However, we are usually only authentic to our imprint, which unfortunately leaves us little room to perceive and observe what is, without patterns of interpretation and reaction. As it is difficult to distance ourselves from this, we settle for a "that's just the way I am" - in the example case, this might be a thought like "Then he'll just have to cope on his own. I'll just deal with my own stuff from now on."

And we find that authentic in ourselves.

We don't realize how much our anger and withdrawal is 'pre-programmed' in us and what another coherent view and reaction could be. For example, it might be appropriate and more authentic to say that we are confused when our suggestion, which was well-intentioned, is rejected.

Defeat the ego?

When we experience others with their patterns, we often do not experience them in a decidedly authentic way and thus relate to a different, deeper kind of authenticity: authenticity with the actual being, the original, the human, the truthful.

How do we experience authenticity?

© Cornelia Weber-Fürst

None of this is common in (professional) life. We have stopped feeling or wanting to feel how something affects us. We have stopped dwelling on an unpleasant sensation. We have stopped taking ourselves seriously. And we haven't even started trying to communicate our inner truthfulness to others.

Instead, we use what we have unconsciously built as psychological navigation strategies for life. It is familiar. It feels safe - existentially and socially. And we think it is better for our image: we retreat inwardly and outwardly or turn our attention to numbingly pleasant things and our statements into supposedly confident and competent portrayals of good people.

Consciously experiencing the environment and the self

In one way or another, each of us has given up on truthfulness. And that is what we resent in others as a lack of authenticity.

Each of us needs to make a conscious decision to choose inner truth over habit and psychological protection, to wake up, to look, to take seriously. If you don't do this, you don't need to point the finger at others for their lack of authenticity.

In coaching, many important insights are generated by enabling the coachee to become aware of what is actually coherent and true for him/her and which patterns prevent appropriate and authentic behavior. The greater the awareness, the less these ego habits can take hold. We 'wake up'.

Authentic is not to be equated with unpleasant or problematic. This idea only arises because we are usually pleasing with our ego orientation, want to make it easy for others or appear confident. Everything is authentic: easy and difficult, funny and serious, competent and overwhelmed, etc. Authenticity requires perception in the moment, a presence uninfluenced by one's own ego needs and patterns and a fundamental 'yes' to what is.

The need to be yourself

How much longer can we afford the current lack of truthfulness in society and the economy?

Whoever starts out will quickly find like-minded people. Truthfulness and authenticity are like candlelight in a dark room: even if the source is small, they have a positive influence on everything.

Truthfulness is not always easy to hear - we have to be aware of that.

What do you say when someone tells you honestly that they have just lost the plot? A platitudinous consolation? Nobody wants that. We also don't want to be stigmatized for our truthfulness. You can be very dignified and truthful about anything. If you want to introduce truthfulness and authenticity into your team or your living environment, the best way to start is to help others out of this excessive demand in a conversation by making a short statement about how important it is for you to be truthful here. We want to be allowed to be who we are.

The author

Cornelia Weber-Fürst, personality developer, leadership trainer and coach

© Cornelia Weber-Fürst

Cornelia Weber-Fürst, personality developer, leadership trainer and coach, is a Master Certified Coach (MCC) of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and has known the industry for over 20 years. She advocates a more essential focus to develop managers beyond their knowledge and ego, making management fit for the future and the new generations of employees. She works on personality through one-on-one coaching, the TRIPLE A leadership program and the online course "Superego Special".