I just had one of these meetings. Maybe you know what I'm talking about: the main theme seemed to be how hopeless the situation is, what's holding us back and how we can't possibly do anything to change the situation. While it doesn't help to be problem-phobic and turn a blind eye when faced with a big challenge, staring the problem in the face like a deer in the headlights puts you and your team, and perhaps your entire organization, into analysis paralysis.

Blame storming then replaces brain storming!

We know from Barbara Fredrickson's research that when we are stressed and in fight or flight mode, our creative and problem-solving capacities are severely impaired. And that - all in all - is not a good state of affairs!

Back to the ability to act

So how do you get your team to move from a state of analysis paralysis to a state of action and solution finding?

It's not an easy solution and requires some perseverance, but it can be done. In my experience, the trick is to strike the right balance between admitting there's a problem and when you start talking about what you envision as a solution. If you start talking about solutions too quickly, or even say things like "let's not focus on the problem, let's move on", you will annoy people and the more you insist, the more they will resist your well-intentioned attempts to turn the conversation into something positive.

How to turn conversations into positives - an example

So here's one way you can turn conversations around:

Team: "The situation is miserable. We're losing customers and if the trend towards digitalization continues, we'll soon be out of business. I'm also not sure if our top management has enough understanding of how difficult it will be. I don't think there's anything we can do, but it's going to be really tough."

You: "Yes, it is really tough. I agree, digitalization is going to be a big challenge for us."

Team: "And look what happened when we chose our new CRM system! They didn't listen to us - and the one they chose is so bad. They never listen to us. I'm not sure we can survive this."

You: "Yes, there was quite a mess with the CRM system. We have some problems with it, you're right. Is there anything we've learned from this experience?"

The team: "Not to trust the management, I guess? No, seriously, I think we need to think about how we can make our point."

You: "What are your ideas on how we can do that?"

Team: "We could..."

Of course, it rarely helps to blame 'top management', another department or anyone else for the current problems. However, if you directly disagree with the assessment of the 'culprit', this usually leads to discussions and 'yes, but' games that reinforce the unhelpful antagonism, e.g:

Team: 'The situation is miserable. We're losing customers and if the trend towards digitalization continues, we'll be out of business very soon. I'm also not sure that our top management has enough understanding of how difficult it will be. I don't think there's anything we can do, but it's going to be really tough."

You: "No, I think you're wrong, you talked about digitalization in the last offsite!"

Team: "Yes, and whatever comes out of it! It's just talk, talk, talk ..."

You: "But ..."

You don't want to agree to blame storming because it's the exact opposite of the culture you want to promote - so you can say: "Yes, I understand that we have problems with the current situation" (without blaming anyone).

Or, "Yes, it's hard" and then turn the conversation around. Ask your team questions like:

• What did we learn from this?
• What do we need to do right this time?
• What is important for us to do now?
• What do we want to achieve here?

Don't allow any 'yes, but' games

The most important thing is not to get involved in any 'yes, but' games. You should listen carefully to what actions and wishes are hidden in complaints. Every 'but' is an invitation to listen more closely to what the other person really wants.

With these small but important changes, you will be able to have more productive conversations and create a positive culture.

The author

Kirsten Dierolf is MCC and President of ICF Germany (International Coaching Federation) as well as Managing Director of SolutionsAcademy, an internationally active training institute for ICF-accredited training courses. Dierolf has been coaching since 1996 and has been training coaches since 2008. She has worked in 37 countries on all continents (except Antarctica) and is the author of the book 'Lösungsfokussiertes Teamcoaching' and numerous articles in (specialist) journals as well as co-author of 'Der Lösungstango'.