I recently described to a department manager what happens during coaching. He then told me how he does exactly the same thing with his employees: you constantly have to explain to them what they have to do and how. And that's exactly what he does with the patience of a saint. Right down to the smallest things, they couldn't even do them themselves.

It hurt to hear that. Apparently I hadn't managed to convey what coaching is all about. And there are reasons for that: Because coaching is hard. It doesn't come so naturally in our culture that we can simply fall back on it. When we coach, we don't give advice in the sense of "do this, do that, and then do this, and then do that, and you'll get the result you want". When we coach, we work out with the client how they can find their own solution.

Detours also lead to the goal

In other words: a coach has no idea. The client doesn't know the solution to the problem either - otherwise they wouldn't have one - but they are the only person who can find and follow the path to it. Maybe it's a detour and I, as a coach, know a shorter way to get there. But just as I can drive from Berlin via Hamburg to Munich because I have to pick something up in Altona, a client can take a seemingly absurd route that solves a deeper problem. As a consultant, I would have said: Berlin to Munich - just drive down the A9 in the left lane. As a coach, I ask: What do you need to get there? And Altona is already in play.

Coach = good manager? - Not at all

If you want to work like this, you need a few resources: patience, acceptance, trust, eye level, empathy, presence and fault tolerance - to name just a few. A good coach has these qualities, but for many people they are not part of the ideal image of a manager. When managers are patient, perhaps even empathetic, people ask: Will they deliver results? The suspicious homo economicus at the back of our minds whispers: difficult.

And there it is, the core problem of coaching for managers: they have a more problematic role and a different basic attitude than a coach. The effect this has can be devastating. In other words: As an employee, can I allow myself to be coached by someone who can give me a warning? Can I confide in someone who might fire me one day? Someone who could use what I have said in confidence against me? Who, as a manager, cannot 'not know' what he has learned from me as a coach?

A working relationship is not psychoanalysis

Managers are not coaches, they are managers. As a rule, they have the authority to issue instructions and make use of it. That is what their role demands. However, issuing instructions is the perfect opposite of what a coach does.

But there is a way out for managers. They don't have to want to reflect on half their employees' lives with them. After all, a working relationship is not psychoanalysis. Instead, managers can try to pick the cherries from the coaching process. And these are: listening, showing understanding, demonstrating fault tolerance, uncovering development potential, reflecting together, showing confidence in strengths, demonstrating patience, making agreements and working towards keeping them, conveying meaning, inspiring.

Four steps to becoming a coachable manager

And there are good training and coaching courses that teach how this can be achieved. You can approach it in simple, easy-to-remember steps. For example, using simple processes such as those developed by Ken Blanchard, one of the developers of the theory of situational leadership. He structures coaching leadership as follows:

1. Listen
2. Inquire & deepen
3. Expressing your own opinion
4. Expressing confidence.

And the whole thing is spread over a spectrum from building trust to setting a focus and developing a corresponding action plan to an orderly summary.

Following such steps is very theoretical. You can achieve a lasting effect if you work on your own issues. How can I work with Ms. Schulze to ensure that she has the confidence to share her extensive knowledge of compliance issues with more senior managers? How does David manage to turn his creative product ideas into really manageable concepts? And as a boss, how do I manage to avoid constantly being seen as the one who makes the tough announcements?

A coaching manager should not delude themselves: they may be a good coach, maybe. But their employees will never be the right clients for them. The matching is not right because there is a clear conflict of interest. Nevertheless, you can learn to lead as a coach if you correctly assess your own role and attitude - and thus the limits and possibilities of coaching as a manager. Which brings us directly to our own development potential.

The author

Martin Kruse, Leadership Choices.

© Leadership Choices

Martin Kruse has been coaching executives and managers for many years and has been a partner at Leadership Choices, an international coaching organization, since 2019.