If you want to lead others, you first have to lead yourself. This much-quoted idea is often found in leadership literature. And not without reason: it sums up a pillar of good leadership very simply.

But that is not the end of the story, let alone the whole story. We know why it is important, but how does self-leadership actually work? What is it anyway? And how do you improve it?

Self-leadership means being able to deal independently with goals, plans, deadlines and quality standards, but also developing motivation, processing feedback and not creating a system in which you burn out.

Set priorities, ignore things

So far, so good. At this point, most people would like concrete tips on how they can improve their self-management. One way of doing this is the so-called 'Circle of Control'.

We can focus our attention on three different areas:

1. The things we can control ourselves,
2. the things we can influence,
3. the things that influence us but that we cannot influence.

The 'Circle of Control': We can direct our attention to three different areas.

© Leadership Choices

If I now invest my energy in the third area and, for example, check the new coronavirus infection figures worldwide every day, or constantly deal with worrying political developments in distant countries: What exactly does this pay into? Emotionally speaking, the obvious answer would be: worry. Things that affect me but that I can't influence are generally of little help in coping with everyday life.

It becomes more interesting when we ask ourselves: What can we influence or even control? In the home office, for example, these are things like

Will I be disturbed? - I am more likely to be able to concentrate on my work in a separate room than on the sofa when the children are at home.

What do I tend to do - am I the person who can't sit still near the candy stash? Should I perhaps move my workplace to another location?

What times do I work? - When can I integrate concentration phases into my working day: in the morning, in the afternoon or even in the evening?

When am I not available? - How do I separate myself from work? Do I keep fixed times? What does this demarcation do to my self-motivation?

Sometimes very specific approaches can help us. For example: What work furniture do I use? Combining this with open, creative questions helps us to find a concept that works: What freedom does my job give me within which I can approach my personal ideal solution?

Between home office and home schooling

Work and private life merge in the home office. We would do well to separate the two again at neuralgic points.

A decisive factor for our stamina in the home office is the pressure of expectation that we build up. Are we trying to be perfect in everything? Helping one child with their math homework, playing with the kindergarten child at the same time, cooking lunch and coordinating a rather demanding work task together in an agile team on the side? Well, we all know the truth about such multitasking stunts: if you try to do everything at the same time, you won't get anything done in the end - except yourself.

Engage in communication

So does it have to be 100% effort and performance on the job? Ask yourself: How can I influence the expectations of my superiors? What kind of conversation might I need to have? Maybe 80% will do? And what can I do to keep the small child occupied in a meaningful way? Perhaps there is the possibility of a play partnership within the limits of what is permitted?

Also ask yourself: Who do you need to make what agreements with in order to be able to adjust and then meet private and professional expectations?

A very simple trick can often help: be open and honest. If I am transparent about my life situation, other people can better empathize with my situation. Honesty and openness create empathy. And empathy helps to find humane solutions to get through difficult times.

With this in mind: stay empathetic!

The author

Martin Kruse, Leadership Choices.

© Leadership Choices

Martin Kruse has been coaching executives and managers for many years and has been a partner at Leadership Choices, an international coaching organization, since 2019.